Do You Hear What I Hear?

Do you remember taking a hearing test, back in grade school. They put those gigantic headphones over your ears, then asked you to raise your hand, right or left, according to which side to you heard the beeping sound in. Think about that beeping sound. Or imagine what it sounds like when you get that occasional ringing in your ear. Think about what that sounds like. Now imagine hearing that sound all of the time. 24/7. That's what life is like living with chronic tinnitus.

I've been living with chronic tinnitus in my right ear since October 2002. I had hosted the BINGO booth at my sons elementary school fall festival the night before it happened. I woke up in the middle of the night with the most intense ear pain I've ever experienced. By the next morning I had lost the hearing in both of my ears. After several weeks of antibiotics, anti-virals, steroids, etc., the hearing in my left ear was restored. However, I've never regained hearing in my right ear. And to make matters worse, chronic tinnitus set it. I sought treatment from the world renowned House Ear Institute in Los Angeles, CA. I was devastated when the doctor told me I had sensorineural hearing loss. He also told me if it's going to be reversed, if my hearing is going to return, it is likely to do so within a few weeks. It had already been six months.

At 28 years old, having just decided to go back to school and in my second semester as a returning student, I'd lost the hearing in my right ear and was suffering with chronic tinnitus. You're thinking, I should be thankful! It could have been worse. At least I still have hearing in one ear. And all of those things are right. But I wasn't thankful. I had to learn to adapt to my new disability. Learning to always sit to the right side of a person, or the right side of a classroom. Learning to lip-read. Social situations, that in the past I enjoyed, I now dread. Take a lot of voices, one bad ear, mix it with chronic tinnitus and you end up with one stressed out person.

It's not only that my one good ear is trying to compensate for the bum ear, but it's also trying to hear over the chronic tinnitus. It's the tinnitus that drives me crazy. Especially at night, when I'm trying to go to sleep. I always have to have a radio, or other white noise, to keep my brain from focusing on the ringing. Sometimes the ringing is so loud and intense, it amazes me that other people in the room can't hear it. I've often been laying in bed next to my husband, the ringing piercing through my head, and I'll say, "Can you hear that?" I've even pulled his head next to mine, ear to ear, certain that he'd be able to hear the ringing. But he doesn't. No one does. This is a case where it really is, all in my head!

The night before last I woke up around 1 o'clock in the morning and I noticed something; no ringing. None. I sat there for a few minutes, listening for the ringing, but all I heard was the radio. I heard it; crystal clear. I grabbed my cell phone and called my voice mail; I wanted to hear what a talking voice sounded like without the ringing. I could hear it! I called my sister. "Sherry, are you awake!" Thank God she was. After I hung up the phone I sent a text message to my husband and told him about the 'miracle' that had occurred. Then I laid there in my bed, listening to the radio until I fell asleep.

When I woke up in the morning, the ringing was back. If I had known it was only temporary, I would have stayed up all night, enjoying the sound of silence.